23 Funny Tweets That Will Ring True To Anyone Who’s Been Married

Just because marriage is one of the most important decisions a person can make, doesn’t mean it needs to be taken so, so seriously all the time. 

Allow the 23 tweets below to serve as a reminder that married life is very much a laughing matter.

1.

My wife found a spider in the shower.

Anyway, the open house is this Saturday if you're interested.

— Jeff⚡️ (@JeffSarcastic) September 20, 2016

2.

My husband just went on a late night Taco Bell run because we are not in college anymore, but we like to maintain the lifestyle.

— Winosaurus Mom (@winosaurusmom) September 30, 2017

3. 

I'm never more nervous than when I insist we're out of something and my wife goes to look for it herself.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 27, 2017

4. 

If you think you might enjoy getting yelled at from another room for chewing too loud, maybe give marriage a try.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 18, 2017

5. 

My wife has literally everything in her purse. Today I needed tissues, a hammer, peanut butter and dice and she had 2 of each.

— Dan (@Social_Mime) September 18, 2017

6. 

*"Eye of the Tiger" plays as I get ready to tell my wife I don't want to go to brunch*

— Josh (@iwearaonesie) September 29, 2017

7.

My husband's favorite thing about me is probably how I circle his fast food for possible leftovers like a hyena.

— ☠Mommy Cusses☠ (@mommy_cusses) September 15, 2017

8. 

*walking into store*

Him: You need a cart?
Me: No, I'm just getting 2 things.
Him: *rolls eyes, grabs cart*

Marriage level: Expert

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 17, 2017

9.

[after sex]
WIFE: whatcha thinkin about?
ME: (very seriously) a dog playing a saxophone

— rob HELLiott (@rockymomax) September 20, 2017

10. 

If you've never rage-folded a load of laundry then you either don't have kids or don't have a husband.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) June 1, 2016

11. 

If your marriage can survive building an IKEA dresser together, it can survive anything.

— Northern Lights (@PinkCamoTO) September 29, 2017

12.

“Calm down,” I say to my wife, five seconds before my brain has a chance to talk me out of it.

— Meh, Interrupted (@TheAlexNevil) September 28, 2017

13. 

My husband won't let me pick up wood at Home Depot because he doesn't want it scratched or bent but I can take care of his children daily.

— bubble girl (@JessObsess) June 20, 2017

14. 

Me: *yells something
Wife: I can't hear you
Me: *whispers something under my breath
Wife: I heard that!!

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 2, 2017

15. 

My wife asked me to get up early tomorrow to pick something up from the grocery store.

Wife (the next morning): You actually did that?

— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) September 17, 2017

16.

A haiku for my husband...

Your whiskers are black
The porcelain sink is white
Are you fucking blind?

— Morgan (@MAB1013) June 13, 2017

17. 

[clothes shopping]

Wife: What do you think about this outfit?

Me: Those are clothes.

Wife: *death glare*

Me: Those are... not clothes?

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 1, 2017

18. 

Understanding marriage is simply understanding that your wife's feet will always be cold

— Mr. Hook (@Phook75) September 28, 2017

19. 

[At Home Depot]

Wife: Why don't you just ask someone where to find it?

Me: I'd rather die.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 19, 2017

20. 

Conversations with my husband..
'Why is it so hard to stay fit as a parent?' followed by 'If the kids ever go to sleep can we order pizza?'

— TwistedDoodles (@twisteddoodles) September 20, 2017

21. 

My husband has denim sweatpants.

I said for better or for worse, but I didn't anticipate this.

— Coffee lovin' mom (@Coffee_lovinmom) August 26, 2017

22. 

Asked my husband to bring me a cookie. He brought me the whole box. We're soul mates.

— Winosaurus Mom (@winosaurusmom) September 29, 2017

23. 

Being married with kids is just this:

Him: Let's watch a movie.
Me: Ok! *falls asleep*

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 11, 2017

This article originally appeared on HuffPost.

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